精 英 学 子 经 典 案 例
案 例 A
  Mr. Joe 剑桥大学申请 
       工作经验丰富型
 Part Ⅰ:寻梦两代人
 Part Ⅱ:Offer of Admission
 Part Ⅲ:申请人背景资料
 Part Ⅳ:P.S.全文
 Part Ⅴ:推荐信全文
 Part Ⅵ:申请奖学金
 Part Ⅶ:Mr.Joe自述
案 例 B

Mr.Hu Yiangping 美国多所大学全奖
         重大科研成果型

 Part Ⅰ:Mr. Hu Yiangping自述
 Part Ⅱ:申请人背景资料(一)
 Part Ⅲ:申请人背景资料(二)
 Part Ⅳ:申请人背景资料(三)
 Part Ⅴ:申请人背景资料(四)
 Part Ⅵ:Personal Statement
 Part Ⅶ:Study Plan Recommen-
     dation Letters
 Part ⅦI:Recommendation Letters
案 例 C

武汉工业大学本科生 OhioUniversity
          "一穷二白"型

 Part Ⅰ:嘉文博译问卷反馈
 Part Ⅱ:申请人背景材料
 Part Ⅲ:Personal Statement
 Part Ⅳ:Recommendation Letters
 Part Ⅴ:Resume
案 例 D
北京大学物理本科 “12投5中4胜”
         名校背景型
 Part Ⅰ:嘉文博译问卷反馈
 Part Ⅱ:申请人背景材料
 Part Ⅲ:申请人补充材料
 Part Ⅳ:Personal Statement
 Part Ⅴ:推荐信全文
清华才子才女秀
A.建筑系研究生梁美的案例 (哈佛、
Berkeley 全奖,弗吉尼亚理工三年全奖)
 Part Ⅰ:写作过程和申请结果
 Part Ⅱ:个人背景资料
 Part Ⅲ:客户P.S.原稿
 Part Ⅳ:嘉文博译P.S.稿
 Part Ⅴ:嘉文博译推荐信稿
 B.经济管理学院会计专业本生科案例
 Part Ⅰ: 嘉文博译P.S.完稿
 C.经济管理学院金融学专业本科案例
 Part Ⅰ: 嘉文博译P.S.完稿
 D.计算机系计算机应用技术专业研究
  生案例
 Part Ⅰ: 嘉文博译P.S.完稿
   
 
 
客 户 个 人 背 景 资 料

您理想中的Personal Statement篇幅 ③ 1.5-2.0页
姓 名 XX 性别年龄 女 24
就读(毕业)于何所大学 清华大学
大学期间所学专业 建筑技术科学系,建筑环境与设备工程专业
所要申请的专业 中文全称:建筑科学与技术
英文全称: Building Science &Technology 英文缩写
申请学位(硕士还是博士):博士


专业简介:

Building Science is dedicated to the energy efficiency and environmental quality of buildings. Its underlying premise is that energy-use patterns and environmental quality are related, and that this relationship contains great opportunities to improve the built environment. Building Science also has the objective of breaking down the compartmentalized decision-making that now characterizes building practice. Its research and teaching address the decisions made by architects, engineers, specifiers, facilities managers, and owners.

Such decisions are important, because they affect: 1) building occupants (who on average spend over ninety percent of their lives indoors, and whose health and productivity is influenced by the environment of the workplace)
2) buildings' energy use (in aggregate over one-third of our nation's energy consumption)
3) building costs (one of the largest categories of the nation's capital outlay)

The Building Science Group aims to influence practice and improve the environmental quality of buildings.
所要申请的大学及大学情况
(只需提供一所学校) 1) UC Berkeley. Areas of Study in Architecture including Building Science

2) MIT, School of Architecture, department of building technology

3) Harvard, etc

大学学习经历: 见下面的个人陈述提纲

工作经历: 无工作经历,只有研究和实习的经历, 见下面的个人陈述提纲

在所申请专业领域的研究成果及对该专业目前状况和发展前景的认识(简述): 在建筑技术科学领域, 室内空气质量(IAQ即Indoor Air Quality)分枝上, 我在危害IAQ的室内有机污染物(VOCs即Volatile Organic Compounds)的散发机理上有一定的研究成果, 建立了具有创新性的VOC散发模型,克服了数学上的困难得到了模型的解析解, 并进一步揭示了更为本质的散发特性,总结出简便的计算散发的公式,提出了能够准确确定材料散发特性参数的方法. 在这方面3年共发表论文:3篇SCI (另外一篇修改中),1篇EI,4篇国际会议,和几篇国内期刊

同时, 和别人合作,在UTRC( United Technology and research center)的项目中, 成功的把模型用于软件的开发中.这个软件的主要任务是分区模拟商业建筑多房间全年的温度\湿度\VOC浓度场, 模拟全年设备的运行情况,同时利用它可以衡量设备的效率,选择搭配设备.这个软件中核心的一块:房间VOC浓度场的分区模拟,光催化设备的模拟和其效率的判断是由我来做的,验收时得到项目负责人,系主任江亿院士和美方专家的好评.

建筑技术科学是一个非常serviceable的学科, 而其中的IAQ领域更是对人们生活的健康舒适启到关键性的作用.

大学GPA成绩;GRE, TOEFL or GMAT成绩 GPA: 89/100,
GRE(2001年考, 2050):Verbal:650, Quantity: 800, Analysis: 600,
TOEFL: 580

个 人 陈 述 写 作 提 纲

“有志者,事竞成, 三千越甲可吞吴;
苦心人,天不负, 百二秦关终属楚.”

人最宝贵的东西是生命,生命于我们只有一次而已. 一个人的生命是应当这样度过的.当你回首往事的时候,不因虚度年华而悔恨,也不因过去的碌碌无为而羞耻.

a. 小学保送到区重点初中;
b. 初中保送到本校高中;
c. 高中三年各类考试一直是第一名,最终以全校第一,全北京Top1%的优异高考成绩考入 清华大学建筑学院 (是本中学建校50年以来第一个考上清华的,也被中学校长评价为几十年来本校最优秀的学生);
小学阶段: 每年都在市区级书法比赛获奖;
中学阶段: 每年都会在市区级数学\物理\化学等竞赛获奖

本科期间: GPA 89左右, 排名第3 (30人); 但专业GPA 应该会高一些,因为我的马哲这类课
成绩低拉分. Major GPA应该在91左右, 排名第1or2 (30人). 本科期间成绩四年
成前低后高趋势
研究生期间: GPA 84左右, 成绩不高主要因为精力集中在课题研究上了.

本人在6年的学习与研究工作中: 勤奋, 上进, 踏实, 肯干, 研究能力强, 积极性高,

最喜欢的是人工环境学( Built Environment).这门课是在大三时修的, 它从热湿环境\ 光环境\生环境\等几个方面介绍了与人们生活工作息息相关的室内环境. 通过这门课的学习第一次让我接触到了IAQ, 知道了室内环境舒适健康的必要性, 让我对Building Science产生了浓厚的兴趣. 我的期末论文:论IAQ, 也得到了老师的好评.
学得最好的几门课:
两门非常重要的专业基础课: 传热学(99), 流体力学(95)
其中, 传热学的老师把我推荐给了我的研究生导师.
两门通过率很低,但学分很高的课: 电子学(99), 电工学(99)
这两门课都是400人的课程, 包括了精仪\机械等大系,我排名
第一 (这一直让我挺骄傲的)
我的数学和计算机方面的课程也都不错, 都是优秀, 高数\随机方法\数学实验都是>90分

刚入学时认为, 空调专业就是学降温制冷呗, 后来才认识到, 室内环境的舒适与否,健康与否除了温度还与湿度\污染物浓度\噪声\光强\人的感觉等很多因素;建筑设备(空调)的运营除了能制冷还要考虑整个系统能源的节约. 为了节约能源保护环境, 现在有很多在研究节能建筑\绿色建筑, 都挺有意义的.

本科时的毕业论文实际是帮助一个博士生做模型的数值计算.
Title: Mathematical model for simulation of VOC emissions and concentrations in buildings
Abstract:
A simple mathematical model is proposed to account for emissions of volatile organic compounds (VOC) from homogeneous materials. The model considers multi-emission sources and sinks. An important feature of the model is that all the parameters have clear physical meaning and are confirmed by previous data from experimental chambers or by direct measurement. The model can predict the emission rate of VOC from homogeneous materials into the air. It also can determine the relationship of the emission rates of VOC sources, the bulk air concentration, volumetric flow rates, and the sorption rates of VOC sinks.

这篇文章在2002.11月发表, 被SCI索引, 我也是我们专业唯一一个在本科阶段就发表SCI的人.

不需要转专业.

本科:
第一学年末: 校二等奖学金
第二学年末: 校一等奖学金
第三学年末: 校一等奖学金
研究生阶段:
每月都有fellowship,
第二学年末: 校一等奖学金

在系科协副主席负责外联, 系团委宣传部长, 组织了班级的为希望工程捐款活动

以下列出3篇均为可以被科学引文索引(SCI)检索到的文章 (其中b,c 为研究生期间刚刚发表的, a 是本科期间发表的)
a. Atmospheric Environment, Volume 36 (2002), Pages 5025-5030

Title: Mathematical model for simulation of VOC emissions and concentrations in buildings
Abstract:
A simple mathematical model is proposed to account for emissions of volatile organic compounds (VOC) from homogeneous materials. The model considers multi-emission sources and sinks. An important feature of the model is that all the parameters have clear physical meaning and are confirmed by previous data from experimental chambers or by direct measurement. The model can predict the emission rate of VOC from homogeneous materials into the air. It also can determine the relationship of the emission rates of VOC sources, the bulk air concentration, volumetric flow rates, and the sorption rates of VOC sinks.

b. Atmospheric Environment, Volume 37, Issue 18 , June 2003, Pages 2497-2505

Title: An improved mass transfer based model for analyzing VOC emissions from building materials
Abstract:
An improved generally applicable model for calculating the surface emissions of volatile organic compounds (VOCs) from building materials and the VOC instantaneous distributions in materials is developed. Differing from the mass transfer based models in the literature, it does not neglect the mass transfer resistance through the air phase boundary layer. The results of using the presented model are validated with the experiments in the literature. By normalizing the model, factors of influencing the surface emissions of VOCs from building material are clarified and the influences are quantitatively analyzed. It is found that the dimensionless emission rate of VOCs is just a function of Bim (the Biot number for mass transfer)/K (the partition coefficient) and Fom (the Fourier number for mass transfer), which summarizes the general surface emission characteristics of VOCs from building materials and provides the basis for fitting experimental data to formulate empirical correlations of VOC emissions. Based upon the model and the analysis, the applicable condition of the famous Little model is presented.

c. Accepted by International heat and mass transfer
Title: CHARACTERISTICS AND CORRELATIONS OF VOC EMISSIONS FROM BUILDING MATERIALS
Abstract-By using the improved mass-transfer-based model which considers the air-material mass transfer resistance developed by us, the characteristics of volatile organic compound (VOC) emissions from building material are clarified. Through analysis, it is found that the dimensionless emission rate of VOCs is just the function of Bim (the Biot number for mass transfer)/K (the partition coefficient) and Fom (the Fourier number for mass transfer). It is a general characteristic of VOC emissions from building materials and provides the basis for fitting experimental data to formulate empirical correlations of VOC emissions. Based upon the numerical results calculated from the model validated with experiments, several correlations describing the characteristics of VOC emission from building material are obtained. By using them, VOC emissions from building materials can be conveniently evaluated.

我分研究和工程实践两方面说.
一 研究生阶段的研究工作实际上是参加了两个项目:
1) 我的课题:VOC 散发机理特性的研究, 是国家自然科学基金资助项目(应该是国家最牛的基金了). 我做的工作主要是建立了具有创新性的VOC散发模型,克服了数学上的困难得到了模型的解析解, 并进一步揭示了更为本质的散发特性,总结出简便的计算散发的公式,提出了能够准确确定材料散发特性参数的方法. (具体请参考我附件寄过去的2篇代表性论文的abstract 和introduction), 我觉得自己在研究上能力是挺突出的.

2) UTRC( United Technology and research center)项目(美国的,由系主任负责),是做一个软件..这个软件的主要任务是分区模拟商业建筑多房间全年的温度\湿度\VOC浓度场, 模拟全年设备的运行情况,同时利用它可以衡量设备的效率,选择搭配设备.这个软件中核心的一块: 房间VOC浓度场的分区模拟,光催化设备的模拟及其效率的判断是由我来做的.通过这个项目我发现我提高了与人合作的能力, 由于要把很多个子块合并在一个软件包中,大家之间的交流合作,团队精神都显得特别重要.尤其在子块链接时,程序经常出现问题,我就和其他人一起沟通,调程序. 最后, 这个软件得到了美方专家的好评.

二 实践经验( 参与了清华同方公司负责的两个项目)
在2001年, 参加了北京商业建筑节能调研, 对长富宫饭店, 新世纪饭店(均为5星级饭店)进行了整个建筑系统的测试(包括 空调的风\水系统, 照明系统), 全年运行能耗的分析,以及室内环境舒适情况调查. 这次实习我是本科生, 在研究生的带领下进行各种数据的测量\计算\分析. 通过这次实习, 我能熟练的使用各种设备, 比如: 超声波流量计, 热电偶,风速仪等.
在2002年,参加了上海新虹桥大厦的节能改造项目. 上海新虹桥大厦是上海市比较重要的建筑, 里面有上海外经贸委,日本驻上海领事馆, 3M公司等大公司. 我带领本科生一行10人,
主要负责对大厦的空调系统的运行情况进行测试, 找出空调系统运行的问题, 提出改造方案. As one of the project managers, I was responsible for the initial negotiation with the clients and the manage corporation of the building, the acquirement of data from all building systems (including air system, water system, lighting system etc.), the disposal and analysis of the data, the evaluation of the building systems and their operations, the final reconstruction proposal and writing documents of project completion. My partners and I devoted to it for about entirely two months. From the investigation of building occupants about indoor environment to the measurement of the cooling water volume, groveling on the water pipe fifteen meters high from the ground, from the acquirement of the wind pressure, crouching in the air unit only three cube meters, to the test of the cooling tower efficiency, climbing on the high-speed running tower 50 meters high from the ground, I almost took care of everything myself. At present, after the reconstruction of the building systems, the operation costs reduced about three hundred thousand RMB (about US $40,000) for the last whole year.


1主要是觉得我内的教育体系不够完善,好多想学的课程都没有, 都得考自己查文献补充,今天学点这,明天学点那,不系统.比如: 我想在做课题之前学一些室内空气质量方面的课学校根本没有, 然而,好多大学,这是基础必修课呢. 而学的好多课呢又没多大用, 浪费时间.
2 实验室的设备条件,资金条件有限, 比如: 我们要测量chamber里的VOCs浓度, 由于一般环境中VOCs的浓度是较低的,实验室监测仪器无法准确测量,因此测出的误差非常大,根本没法进行实验.而国外一般实验室的仪器这种实验条件是完全可以达到的.
因此, 当我的导师再三挽留我免试读博时, 我拒绝了.我希望有好的科研环境来发挥我的才能.

IAQ is a high priority environmental problem that affects everyone’s daily life. In the future, the public’s interest and investment in a deeper understanding of IAQ problems caused by material emissions will continue to grow. Several related areas need further scrutiny:
1) A deep understanding of the health effects of different VOCs, especially the possible long-term health effects of complex mixtures of VOCs at the levels observed in indoor environments.
2) A complete and useful database of material properties (diffusion coefficient, partition coefficeint) and their related correlations.
3) Development of improved IAQ and exposure models to take a person’s breathing system into account
4) Development of active VOC control and mitigation strategies other than the use of ventilation systems alone.
5) Consideration of particles, fibers, pollen, and other gaseous contaminants with a density different from the surrounding room air on IAQ.

我觉得在我的研究和实践经验中已经体现出来了.

我希望我的PS和推荐信能交相辉映(互相补充), 展示出我的个人魅力.
我希望我的PS是有深度的, 凝练的.
我希望通过PS能够让即便不是搞IAQ方向的Building Science领域的教授能够对我的科研能力刮目相看,同时因为我出色的实践经验而录取我.

 

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